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To love children, first to love themselves, 3 moves to teach you to maintain the best mental state

To love children, first to love themselves, 3 moves to teach you to maintain the best mental state

Written by : Family Dynamics Child Play Therapist

　Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Lee Wai Zi


In today's society, it is indeed not easy for parents to maintain a good state of mind and body. I have met with many parents and found that the difficulty most parents face is not that they do not understand their children's feelings and needs, or that they do not know how their behavior affects their children, but that it is difficult to maintain a trusting and optimistic attitude towards their children when they are in a situation. Often, parents become increasingly anxious as they worry that their child's problems will continue and worsen, and repeat ineffective ways of dealing with their child's problems.


So, how can parents maintain the best mental state to face the stress and challenges of disciplining their children? Here are some tips for parents to consider: 


1. Be more sensitive to your own stress levels

Parents are human beings, so there will be times when they are depressed or physically and emotionally exhausted. The purpose of parents being sensitive to their own mental state is to remind themselves that they need to take care of their own needs first. It is difficult for parents to be sensitive and responsive to the needs of their children when they are in a highly stressed state. Conversely, inappropriate responses may harm the child and damage the parent-child relationship. 


2. Use resources effectively to relieve stress

When parents feel stressed, they should try to explore and make good use of their own internal and external resources to regulate their negative emotions. For example, find family members or friends to talk to, do things that can relax you, and find positive thoughts and beliefs to encourage you. The purpose is to give yourself a proper rest and temporary relief from stress.



3. Turn your mind around and reflect

If a parent's stress continues and increases, professional help is needed. Sometimes, these pressures come from more than just external influences. Parents' self-worth, worldview, and perceptions of things can affect how we parent. For example, some parents worry that they are not doing enough to fulfill their parental responsibilities and end up pushing their children to study or participate in activities, or even that they are not flexible enough to respond to their children's needs when they are stressed and negative. If 


parents are aware of and take care of their own feelings and needs, they can prevent their negative emotions from affecting the next generation.


Therefore, parents who love their children must first love themselves. Only when parents are healthy and happy can their children grow up healthy and happy.

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School Articles

Healthy Back Care Exercises – Suitable for Both Adults and Children

Healthy Back Care Exercises - Suitable for Both Adults and Children



Written by: Fong Wai Kwan, Dr. Kong's Professional Team of Registered Physiotherapist


Parents should avoid letting their children develop the following bad postures, which can affect the development of the spine:


When children are doing their homework, they should avoid sitting sideways to one side, as this posture can easily lead to uneven use of force on the left and right sides of the spine, causing problems such as scoliosis. At the same time, they should maintain an upright posture in both the neck and waist.



When children use computers, they should not lean their necks too far forward to look at the screen, as this can easily lead to neck strain. Parents should also remind children to keep their necks and backs straight, and choose chairs that are adjustable in height and equipped with backrests and armrests to support the back, hands, and wrists. Additionally, the screen should be positioned at a height not above eye level. After every 30 minutes of computer use, there should be adequate rest breaks taken.


When lifting heavy objects from the floor, it is best to avoid bending the waist forward to pick them up. Instead, one should adopt a semi-squatting posture, keeping the waist straight. Then, grip the heavy object with both hands, keeping it as close to the body as possible. Finally, use the leg muscles to stand up, maintaining a straight waist.


Neck Stretching Exercises

Purpose: To help relieve muscle tension in the neck

Steps: 1. Turn your head to the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.

2. Move your head up and down, holding each position for 10 seconds.

3. Tilt your head towards the left and right sides, holding each position for 10 seconds.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.


Shoulder Stretching Exercises

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the shoulder muscles

Steps: Place your hands on your shoulders, and rotate your elbows forward and backward 10 times in each direction.



Chest Stretching

Purpose: To help stretch the chest muscles and improve poor posture

Steps: Firmly grasp your hands behind your back, and raise your hands as high as possible, holding for 10 seconds. Repeat 10 times per day.


Stretching the Back and Waist Muscles

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the back and waist muscles

Steps: 1. Place your hands on your knees, then bend forward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.

2. Place your hands on your hips, then bend backward at the waist, hold for 10 seconds, and slowly return to a standing position.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.


Side Body Stretching

Purpose: To help relieve tension in the side waist muscles

Steps: 1. Place your hands on your hips and twist your waist from side to side, slowly returning to the starting standing position with hands on hips. Hold each side for 10 seconds.

2. Raise your left hand and bend to the right, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.

3. Raise your right hand and bend to the left, hold for 10 seconds, then slowly return to the starting standing position with hands on hips.

Repeat the full set of exercises 10 times per day.

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School Articles

Blank Days During the Summer Vacation

Blank Days During the Summer Vacation


Written by: Lam Ho Pui Yee, Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion


Many parents make great efforts to fill their children's summer vacations with activities, as in the parents' eyes, if the summer time is not spent on learning, it will be wasted. Attending tutorial classes, hobby classes, and summer camps, or even going abroad for study tours, have become the norm. But what would a summer without any extra classes or talent training be like? Can parents give their children a true summer vacation?


Who says that giving children a summer vacation without extra classes and crammed schedules means they lose learning opportunities? Alvin Rosenfeld, the author of "The Over-Scheduled Child" and an American scholar, has pointed out that reserving enough blank time for children actually allows them the space and opportunity to find and develop their personal interests. Many groundbreaking theories were also born during periods of unstructured time. For example, after graduating from university, Einstein was unemployed and had to work at the patent office cataloging strange inventions. He used this blank time to ponder constantly, and eventually discovered the revolutionary concept of relativity. Similarly, during the great plague outbreak in London, Newton had an entire year to retreat to the countryside and lie on the lawn, thinking freely without distractions. It was then that he observed an apple falling from a tree - something he likely would have missed had he remained in the bustling city of London.



Therefore, by leaving blank days during the summer vacation, a child's mode of thinking will be more prominent, whereas when the schedule is packed full, even the best minds will be in vain. Please leave some time for your children, allow them to allocate their own time, encourage them to engage in lengthy blank periods and slow contemplation of life experiences, and even permit them to waste some time doing silly things. Within these two months, they should say "I love you" to two family members at least 30 times, hug those two family members once a day for three consecutive days, refrain from using their smartphones for a day, and attend a music concert or watch a sports game. Let them walk to the beach or grassy areas to play, run, and shout to their heart's content, take the initiative to care for those who need care, such as visiting elderly neighbors living alone, and writing an encouraging letter to an old classmate or elderly family member.


Let's allow our children to experience different lifestyles and have a fulfilling yet unhurried summer vacation!

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School Articles

Don’t Let Children Become the “Third Party” in a Marriage

Don't Let Children Become the "Third Party" in a Marriage


Written by: Aunty Anne Parents Station


When a man and a woman meet, get to know each other, and fall in love, they then get married and start their own family. Husband and wife promise to love and respect each other regardless of the circumstances, and their marital relationship naturally becomes the foundation of the family.


The arrival of children completes the family structure, but also makes the situation more complex: from the original couple relationship, it evolves into parent-child and grandparent-grandchild relationships. When facing the well-being of the children, everyone has their own opinions and positions, and blending them is not an easy task.


If we think carefully, we will understand that although husband and wife are the same two people, the two roles have different needs and considerations. The addition of a young child makes the couple cautiously take on the parental identity, which is laborious but also filled with sweetness. Infants are fragile and dependent, so parents naturally focus all their attention on protecting and caring for the child, inevitably neglecting the needs of their partner and even themselves, which is understandable.


However, the all-encompassing protective net that parents cast during the infant and toddler stage does not recede as the child grows up, allowing the child to forge their own path in life. Modern families idolise the children and let them dominate the family's operations, overshadowing the spousal relationship. Spouses can no longer get the understanding and gratitude they expect from each other, and the relationship gradually fades or drifts apart. In this ironic situation, the "third party" that harms the marital relationship is the couple's own child.


Worse still, a harmonious family relationship is the most important element for a child's healthy, happy, and positive growth. Facing the discord between parents, children are often dragged into this vortex, trying to balance the relationship and shouldering emotions that do not belong to them. Children do not know how to handle and release these worries, and their emotions and behaviours will develop problems, but parents can only ask the children to focus on their studies, thinking this is the children's responsibility. Children, however, worry all day long that the family is falling apart, so what's the use of studying! This is a vivid portrayal of the modern family issue.



"Parents should be closer to each other than to the children," to implement the original intention of building the family through mutual understanding and love. Remember that children are only temporary guests in the family, and one day they will leave the nest to establish their own homes. In the end, the husband and wife will only have each other left, so cherishing the partner and not forgetting the original intention are the keys to weathering the ups and downs and walking together until old age.

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School Articles

Is My Child a Little Bully?

Is My Child a Little Bully?


Written by: Miss Jody Lee, Senior Registered Social Worker


Whether it's fighting over toys, losing games, or rushing to be first in line, it is common to see children using pushing, shoving, and hitting to deal with situations that don't go their way - which is also a constant headache for parents. Why does a child exhibit bullying behavior?



  1. Are emotions and behaviors conflated?


"You cannot get angry and hit people!" The child may experience an emotion - "anger", which leads to a behavioral response - "hitting". However, while parents can prohibit the child's hitting behavior, they cannot prohibit the child from feeling "angry". The child will not immediately calm their emotions just because the parents have banned "anger". Parents need to teach the child to separate emotions and behaviors - "I understand you are very angry that your brother took your toy, but you cannot hit him!"



  1. Don't eat Meal A if it's not good for you!


"You cannot hit your brother, just don't hit him at all." Parents may simply tell the child not to engage in an undesirable behavior (Meal A) without providing any alternative (Meal B, C, D) options. If the brother takes the child's toy again, the child will likely continue to "eat Meal A" (hit). Parents should not only prohibit the undesirable behavior, but also provide alternative, appropriate ways for the child to respond - "You cannot hit, but if your brother takes your toy, you can tell him: 'The toy is mine, I'll give it to you when I'm done' (Meal B), or you can ask me to help settle it (Meal C), or you can let your brother play with it first (Meal D)..."


  1. Children will absolutely accept challenges!


"If you hit your brother again, I won't want you anymore." Parents may intend to suppress the child's hitting behavior through intimidation, which often backfires, as today's children may see this as a challenge. The child may resent the parents and the brother, and look for opportunities to hit the brother again. Instead, parents should directly state their expectations: "Please stop hitting your brother."


  1. My child hit me, but it doesn't hurt. Can I tolerate that?


No matter how angry or dissatisfied the child is, when they engage in harmful, self-destructive, or destructive behaviors, parents must intervene immediately. If the child habitually vents their frustration by hitting others because the force is not great and the adults can endure the pain, the child may mistakenly think that attacking others is acceptable. Parents have the responsibility to immediately stop and clearly indicate that the child's hitting behavior is unacceptable.


In fact, children are not born as little bullies. As they grow, the people around them, while accompanying them, should carefully teach them the right ways to deal with problems. Only then can the child develop maturity and become independent.

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School Articles

Intelligent learning through exercise

Intelligent learning through exercise


Written by: Fung Ji Hei, Game Therapist


I just participated in a professional development exchange activity for teachers in Taiwan, and witnessed how Taiwan's education system emphasizes using exercise to cultivate children's growth. This has given me new inspiration, and I hope to share it with all parents. One of the schools we visited for the exchange could be called a "mini sports university" - "Tiger Forest Elementary School". As soon as I stepped into the school, the students greeted us with the government-promoted fitness exercises. They followed the rhythm to raise their hands and move their bodies, doing all kinds of warm-up movements. It made me feel like they were as lively as little tigers, and I felt like I had entered a forest full of little tigers.


Exercise Can Strengthen Children's Learning Ability


Principal Liu of Tiger Forest Elementary School said that the school is a key government school focused on the physical development of the students, and believes that exercise can strengthen their learning ability. They are based on the research of John J. Ratey, MD, an assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and advocate the "Anytime Exercise" program. This program encourages students to exercise at any time. During breaks, students run to any part of the playground to exercise, some play dodgeball, some climb on the jungle gym, and some play badminton. All the students enjoy every moment of exercise.



The Benefits of Exercise - Strengthening Brain Function


It is well known that exercise has the effect of strengthening the body and health. In Ratey's research, he points out more about the benefits of exercise for the brain. He describes the brain as an information processing center, where information is transmitted through different pathways using different messengers (chemicals). During exercise, the brain can effectively produce more messengers and strengthen the pathways, making the transmission of information faster and more accurate.


When applying this theory to learning, students can strengthen their brain function through exercise, thereby enhancing their learning effectiveness. Research has proven that exercise can improve students' concentration and memory, which are essential conditions for successful learning. In addition, exercise can cause the brain to produce Dopamine (a chemical that creates a sense of happiness), allowing students to learn happily, and naturally achieving better results.


How to get children to love exercise?


To let children enjoy the time and benefits of exercise, parents need to help children love exercise. Here are three suggestions:


1. Anytime Exercise


Provide more opportunities for children to exercise, such as giving them appropriate time, tools, and venues, while parents should also pay attention to the safety of the environment.


2. Healthy Exercise


Teach children to exercise for the sake of health, and emphasize the benefits of exercise to health.


3. Exercise Together


Exercise with children more often, enjoy the moments of exercise, and cherish the quality time between parents and children.


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School Articles

The Parent-Child Relationship of “One Chases, One Walks”

The Parent-Child Relationship of "One Chases, One Walks"

Written by: Ms. Ng Yee Kam, Founder and CEO of Family Dynamics

                     Marriage and Family Therapist

                     Child Play Therapist


Many parents complain that as their children grow older, they become less willing to talk to their parents, and the relationship becomes more distant and indifferent. Parents begin to not know what is on their children's minds, what their school life is like, and what their friends are like. As far as the eye can see, it's all gaming, watching TV, surfing the internet, WhatsApp, WeChat, and Instagram! Parents inevitably develop a sense of unease, because it feels like they have lost connection with their beloved children. The more uneasy parents become, the more they want to pull their children back. But the methods they use are often questioning, regulating, criticizing, and blaming, showing a lack of understanding and trust towards their children's behavior. From the children's perspective, the parents' "concern" and "care" feel like control and unreasonableness. As a result, the more the parents want to get closer to their children, the more the children want to avoid their parents! This chasing creates a tense and awkward parent-child relationship, which is truly a pity!


Whether it's the evolution of society or the nurturing of the next generation, the role of parents is the most important. Parents have multiple responsibilities: care, provision, guidance, and demonstration. The best way to connect the relationship between parents and children and create positive interactions is the way parents convey love and care, which can make children truly feel it. Sometimes parents may be surprised and ask, "Isn't this how I show concern? How could he not feel it?" In fact, each child's needs may be different, and the way they crave care may also be different. If parents do not approach it from the child's perspective, but only selfishly use their own perspective to understand and the methods they are used to in showing care, even if parents "circle around" the child, the same result may occur: one chases, one walks!



For children to truly feel their parents' love and care, the key lies in whether the parents' focus is on the children themselves, or only on the children's performance. If the parents' care is focused on the child, the child will definitely feel it, and they will respond in a positive way. If the parents' concern is only about the child's performance, the child will eventually become alienated from the parents, and may even shut them out.


If we compare the following examples of what parents say to their children, we can see the difference between "caring for the child" and "caring for the child's performance":


When parents come home from work and ask their children:

A "Did you have a happy day at school today?"

B "Did you finish your homework today?"


When the child gets a 65 on a test, the parents say:

A "Are you feeling disappointed with this score? Perhaps you feel unhappy, you can share your feelings with me!"

B "You've been lazy and unfocused, how can you get good grades like this? If you don't work harder, you'll fail again next time, and might even have to repeat the grade!"


In the busy pace of life, it is not easy to establish a good parent-child relationship! Establishing positive interactions and connections with your children is the only way to provide them with continuous encouragement and support as they grow up. If you're not careful and choose the wrong way of expressing yourself, even though the parents may have a lot of love in their hearts, the children may not accept it!

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School Articles

The Wonderful Use of Storybooks (For Young Children with High-Functioning Autism)

The Wonderful Use of Storybooks (For Young Children with High-Functioning Autism)


Written by: The Educational Psychologist Team of the Heep Hong Society


For young children with autism who have intellectual and language abilities at the 5-6 year old level, what kind of books should they read? What techniques should parents use when reading with their children?


Young children with high-functioning autism should be able to understand simple moral stories. Parents can refer to the "social story" format to help children with autism effectively understand the content. When the child is familiar with the story content, parents can replace the main character with other real people, or even the child themselves, so that the child can gradually put themselves into the moral story scenario. The story characters can be changed, and the story plot can also be slightly altered: for example, "grandma's house" can be changed to "aunt's house", allowing the child to flexibly apply what they have learned. Of course, changes to the characters and plot should be made before the child develops rigidity towards the story details. As for fables, fairy tales and mythological stories that commonly use abstract metaphors, they can be used only when the child with autism has the ability to generalize their knowledge.


In terms of cognition, when the child's comprehension reaches a certain level, parents can emphasize emotional words in the story, such as "When she saw the dog, Mei Mei was very scared." When the child is ready to learn the concept of sequence, parents can emphasize the description of time, such as "Mei Mei did something wrong, and then she said she was sorry." Based on the child's level, parents can utilize each page of the storybook, adding or emphasizing appropriate words.



In terms of parent-child interaction, for children with autism who have higher abilities, they can take turns with their parents to tell the story, one sentence at a time. This method not only trains the child's ability to continue the story and focus on listening to others, but also allows the child to deepen their impression of the story through active participation. By using storybooks flexibly, parents can meet the developmental needs of the child and promote parent-child interaction. Children with autism often lack imaginative ability, so storybooks that come with character dolls can be very useful: initially, just tell the story, then add the dolls, and gradually reduce the use of the storybook, until finally using only the dolls to tell the story, and using the "one sentence for you, one sentence for me" method to guide the child out of the storybook and into the world of imaginative play.


In terms of social cognition, parents who use comics can use correction fluid to white out the "speech bubbles" of the characters, then work with the child to create new dialogues. Initially, they can modify certain words or phrases, and when both parties are familiar with the method, they can modify more parts, until all the dialogues are self-created. Daring parents can even try to custom-make storybooks for their child and design different ways of storytelling to attract the child to learn the social concepts they need.

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School Articles

Tokens of love relieve separation anxiety

Tokens of love relieve separation anxiety


Written by: Fung Ji Hei, Game Therapist


Little Ying, at the start of the new school year, would sit on the sofa outside the school hall every day, crying and saying her stomach hurt, while tightly gripping her mother's hand. Psychological experts believe this is a characteristic of children suffering from separation anxiety. If parents want to reduce their children's anxiety, one method is to help the children through "tokens". Why can these "tokens" be effective? The author attempts to explain the underlying mechanism from the perspective of child psychological development.


The Invisible Sense of Security


The cognitive development theory proposed by the modern child psychologist Jean Piaget can explain the underlying principle. In the first stage (0-2 years old) of the theory, children can learn to search for hidden objects. This behavior indicates that children have learned the concept of object permanence - even if the object cannot be seen, they still know that it exists, so they will try to find it.


In the second stage (2-7 years old), Piaget believes that children can use language and symbols as representations. For example, children can use the word "dog" to represent an animal with four legs, a tail, and a "woof woof" sound. When children go to school, they experience a similar situation to the first stage, but they do not cry because they cannot see their mothers, but because they cannot generate the sense of security that they had when with their mothers. To overcome this, children need to use their ability to use language and symbols as representations. However, effectively expressing the parent-child relationship in symbolic form is very difficult, and "tokens" are an effective auxiliary tool.



Visualizing Relationships


Tokens can appear in various forms in daily life, such as the traditional Chinese talisman for safety, the Christian cross in the West, or even wedding rings. Using the traditional wedding ring as an example, the material and circular shape of the metal establish a "visual representation" of a steadfast marriage. This "visualization of the relationship" not only has an outwardly evident function, but it also makes it easier for the individual to recall the existence of the relationship. Applying this to the parent-child relationship, parents can use "tokens" to express their love, allowing the child to constantly remember them and thereby develop confidence and a sense of security.


Patience, Determination, and Carefulness


When parents use "tokens" to assist their children, they must keep three key "mindsets" in mind. Firstly, establishing a relationship symbolized by the "token" takes time, and parents must have the patience to train their children. One type of training is through treasure hunt games, which can strengthen the child's understanding of object permanence and the feelings of possession and loss. This can help reduce the child's anxiety when faced with separation. Additionally, parents can establish a unique ritual with the child to accompany the token during times of separation, such as a goodbye kiss or a gentle high-five, which can also help the child transition through the separation process.



Secondly, there is determination. Parents may also experience separation anxiety, which can make it difficult for the child to learn about separation. If parents want their children to grow, they must be determined to separate from them when the child reaches school age, and trust in the school's care and the child's ability to adapt.


Finally, it is crucial to carefully preserve the token, lest all the previous efforts be in vain.
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School Articles

Encountering a ‘mismatched’ child is an opportunity for parents to grow

Encountering a 'mismatched' child is an opportunity for parents to grow




Written by: Lai Shun Mei, Family Dynamics Counselor and Global Career Developer


When a child is born, people like to discuss his appearance, using his resemblance to his parents as a topic of conversation, and talk about which attractive features he has inherited from them. As he grows older and his temperament begins to show, they also like to explore whose personality he resembles.


It is generally easier to get along with someone who has a similar temperament because similar personalities and preferences make it easier to connect. If a child has a temperament similar to their parents, it seems to make parenting easier. However, it often seems like God enjoys playing jokes on us by giving us "mismatched" children: an outgoing and lively mother ends up with a quiet and introverted daughter; a hot-tempered father faces a sensitive and sentimental son; a mother who doesn't understand fun encounters a hedonistic son.


Parents who seek help often share the common issue of having difficulty getting along with their "mismatched" child. They cannot accept the child's nature, do not understand the child's behavior, and do not know how to properly guide their child.


The outgoing and lively mother "complained" to me: "My daughter dawdles, is hesitant, and doesn't dare to make friends outside." She couldn't understand: "What's so difficult about brushing teeth? What's so scary about attending English class? What's there to be shy about when meeting other kids?" Why is her daughter nothing like her but instead resembles her indecisive, introverted, timid, and unambitious father? As she spoke, she indirectly revealed to me that her problem was not accepting her spouse and projecting her dissatisfaction with her spouse onto their daughter. Therefore, the issue was not with her daughter but with their marital relationship.




The hot-tempered father had to come for advice because his son only got along with his mother and not with him. He deeply loved his son and did not want him to grow up being overly sensitive and tearful like a girl. The older the child got, the more anxious the father became. However, under insults and strict orders, the child did not become stronger but instead became more withdrawn, clinging to his mother and refusing to leave her side. It was only after understanding the situation that it became clear that this father had grown up amidst beatings and insults. He believed his own strength came from such an upbringing, not realizing that those painful experiences had become implicit memories affecting his relationship with his son.


The mother, who claimed she did not know how to play and did not need to play, was at a loss with her son, who was solely focused on playing. She said her son was careless with his studies but persistently focused on play. How could she change her son's attitude towards his studies? I was curious about this mother's claim—who wouldn't like to play? Seeking happiness is human nature, so why did she insist she did not need entertainment? It turned out that she was also playful as a child but was strictly disciplined by her mother, who did not allow her to "waste" time. Gradually, her life lacked playmates, and when she played with her mother, her mother remained serious and uncompromising, often causing her to lose and feel sad. Over time, she grew to dislike playing games. Her mother "successfully" shaped her into someone who "did not like" to play, someone who appeared strong and focused on studies but was also rigid, insecure, and lacking in joy. No wonder she did not understand how to get along with her naturally joyful son.


It turns out that God "mismatched" children for us with a purpose. He wants us to reflect on our relationships with our spouses and parents, and our own growth experiences through the frustrations of interacting with our children, thereby sorting out these relationships and resolving these emotional knots.


Parents' lack of acceptance of their children is a reflection of their lack of acceptance of themselves. A lack of confidence in their children is a lack of confidence in themselves. By taking care of "mismatched" children, parents feel challenged and then become aware of their own pain points. With the help of a therapist, they begin a journey of self-exploration. They clarify and straighten out their family relationships, gaining rebirth and growth in the process. Children are born as they are, and there is no mismatch. Let us make good use of this opportunity for growth!